HOW TO TRANSFORM YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH MONEY

First of all, not everyone will feel as though they are in a vicious cycle. Some of you reading this may feel that your relationship with money is clear and healthy and all you’re looking for is some information on pensions, savings, mortgages, debt etc.  If this is the case then you can obtain all of that information here on the site- just go to the menu and choose the topics you want more information about.

If however, you feel that there’s some resonance for you in what you’ve just read then please continue with us by reading on as we try and help you take the next steps in improving your relationship with money.

The first question to ask yourself is,

“What’s my Goal?  What do I want to achieve?  What areas would I like to improve on and or change?”

There’s no right or wrong answer to this because we are all individual and we’re all at our own stage of our financial journey and our relationship with money. Whatever stage you’re at, however, I can guarantee you that there are thousands if not millions of women out there sharing exactly the same questions, concerns and desires as you 

So what is your goal? What do you want to achieve?

 If you’re struggling to answer this question maybe try it from the other way around and ask yourself,

“ what aspects of me and money would I want to avoid looking at?!”

or “if I did a workshop on my relationship with money what would be my greatest fear?”

 You’ve come to this site for a reason and you’re in this section of the site so it’s not coincidence that you’re here.

What would you like to be different in your life? Do you think it’s possible that your self worth/esteem could be preventing you from getting there?

Let’s take a look at the notion of self worth and see how we can ascertain if it’s hindering us and if so how do we overcome that.....

So we’ve already said that your self-worth or self esteem can definitely help build your net worth. But, your net worth does not build your self-worth - it only creates an illusion of self-worth. In order to change your net worth, you need to start with your self-worth, not the other way around.

1.     How do you define your self-esteem? 

Are you able to really acknowledge your own qualities?

 Do you appreciate yourself for the skills and qualities you have?

Or do you base your own self-worth on the opinions and approval of other people?

 If you’re doing the latter (as most of us do) then be aware of this because the whole point of self esteem is that it’s about how you see and value yourself not how others see you.

We have to start with a strong sense of ourselves and who we are. If we identify ourselves based on the opinions and views of others then all we’re doing is developing a stronger ego rather than developing a stronger sense of self-esteem.

This takes us perfectly on to the next point....

 2.       How do we improve our self esteem?

The first thing to notice after point 1 is how often do you have a negative voice in your head that’s constantly chattering away and criticising you?

 This is what’s known as the “super-ego” and it’s often the voice of an authority figure when we were a child- maybe a parent, teacher, older sibling.

THE VOICE OF THE SUPER - EGO 

  We all have a super –ego and most of the time it keeps us in a place of being very    held back because it says things like:  

• You could have done that better.
• That was a stupid thing to say/do.
• Who do you think you are to believe that you can do/say that?
• You won’t be able to do that, you’re not enough (fill in the blank).
• Money burns a hole in your pocket, as soon as you’ve got it you have to spend it.
• You’ve never had a head for figures. 

Just start to pay attention to the chatter that goes on in your head and observe how often you make a negative criticism of yourself. Most women are shocked when they do this exercise to see just how many negative comments they make to themselves about themselves every day. 

The mind is a very powerful and complex tool (do you know that scientists only understand about 10% of what the mind does – more of this later!) and so if we keep repeating negative messages to ourselves we literally programme ourselves to believe what we’re saying! The good news is that the reverse is also true – that means that we can programme the mind to believe positive things about ourselves too and here’s where we come back again to the importance of positive affirmations. Find out more 

So next time you notice yourself making a negative comment about yourself just make a note of it and be curious and ask yourself how true it really is and see if you can replace it with a positive affirmation about yourself.

 

TAKE TIME OUT TO APPRECIATE YOURSELF

There are many exercises you can do to help yourself with this process. For example, take a note book and at the end of each day write down 5 things that you really like about yourself, or something that you feel you’re good at or something that you think you did really well that day. It doesn’t matter how minor it may appear to you, the important thing is that you start to take time out to appreciate yourself and your strengths and qualities.

There’s a great quote from author Louise Hay on this topic – she says,

You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens."
- Louise L. Hay          (click thru to louise hay site)

3.       Are you in the driving seat?

How much do you feel in control of your life and the things that happen to you?

I use the analogy of being in the driving seat because if any of you have recurrent dreams about being in a vehicle and it’s out of control and you can’t steer it then this is your subconscious mind trying to tell you that you’re feeling out of control in some aspects of your life?

Do you feel out of control with your finances in any way? 

Are you the type of person who feels that life’s events happen to you and you have no control or influence over them or do you believe that we create our own reality and therefore we can decide how we respond to the events that arise in our lives?  If you’re fortunate enough to fall into the latter category then you’ll already be a step ahead in your level of self-esteem. We may not be able to control what happens to us but we can always make a choice in how we respond or react to what happens. 
Knowing this makes us feel that we do have some control over the circumstances in our lives and so helps strengthen our self esteem. It’s what we choose to do with the opportunities and challenges that get presented to us that determines who we are.

4.       What is worth or wealth?

We often make the mistake of thinking that wealth is about money and material possessions. This is certainly part of wealth but it’s by no means the totality. Wealth is another word that can be used for abundance.

DO YOU ALREADY HAVE ABUNDANCE IN YOUR LIFE?

Do you have good health?

 A great group of friends,

A loving and supportive family

A job that you love,

An interest that really feeds your soul,

A love of nature,

A passion for music,

A zest for life,

An ability to laugh regularly?

All of these are forms of abundance in your life.

 Too often we overlook the abundance or wealth that we already have in our lives and equate wealth simply with money.

By focusing on the abundance we already have in our lives we bring more energy to it- as we saw earlier in this section where we bring focus is where the energy flows so the more you focus on your current abundance the more energy flows there and the more abundance you have.

When you achieve this flow of energy you automatically bring it to material and monetary abundance too. 

HOW FULL IS YOUR LIFE IN AREAS APART FROM MONETARY ONES?

The chances are that if it’s full (abundant) in other areas then it will be full in monetary ones too and vice versa. This is because our relationship with money will reflect other relationships we have in our lives. Therefore if we feel that there is little ease and abundance in our life we are likely to have the same experience with money- there will be little ease and abundance.

When we feel abundant in areas of our lives we feel happy, empowered, lucky and grateful. Our self esteem in these areas is high and we feel confident in them. Because of this we attract more and more positive energy to these areas and they grow even further. They are areas of our lives that are easy, effortless and fulfilling.

Many of us hold the view that if we have abundance then we are taking it from someone else and therefore  it is selfish and greedy to want to be abundant. This is another myth that needs to be busted.